Today’s writing, well, it’s extremely personal. It’s a matter of asking for forgiveness from some others who I have wronged, forgiving myself, being done with certain issues and finishing strong in achieving goals.
Let me start off by saying, we all have a light and dark side. Everyone single one of us. For some, the light shines all the time. For some, it’s a balance and for others, it is always dark. No matter how hard they fight it… it is dark.
I have that balance. At times, people see my light. At times, they see my dark. Most times, I am balanced. When I am in the light… I am creative, giving,full of a warped sense of humor and always doing my damnest to harm no one. When I am dark… well… it’s not pretty. Insecure, angry, not caring about myself. When I was in the dark… it wasn’t pretty at all. I hope to reconnect with some of those people I have wronged. Some of them were really good people. Only time will tell. This is the start though, by admitting I was wrong and asking for forgiveness. You all know who you are.
Those who have suffered because of me during it. I am asking for your forgiveness. People hit walls. People go through shit. I went through shit. I’m sorry.
I’m forgiving myself… for all of what I have put myself through. It’s not easy though, there are days that well… yeah. It sucks ass. However, in this process… I am awakening to the fact that I know now that I have both the dark and light. I acknowledge that there is a gate between the two sides and it is a two-way gate. One can overwhelm the other at times. It depends on what I am allowing to influence me.
Now, with forgiveness… it’s a hard road. We either have been wronged or have wronged someone. I have had some discussions with a couple of people I know have gone on about this subject and I draw one conclusion. Forgive them and forgive yourself for allowing them inside your head. Forgive and move on. Otherwise… we get eaten up and that sucks.
Finality… it’s where you have issues that you’ve been hung up on stuff. I’ve burned bridges and been hung up on it. Living with regrets and all sorts of issues. At some point, some of you all can relate to this. Being hung up on stuff and while you’re hung… life has passed you by. There is something though about finding the finality of whatever it is that has you hung. Knowing that I have made mistakes and that I am learning from them brings the finality to certain things in my life. It’s time to move on now. A new chapter is here. Roll tide roll… life is that ride and it rolls on.
Finishing things…
Well… hell you all know I am not an academic. I dance to my own marching band (complete with color guard and cheerleaders). Being in a classroom and doing lots of theory makes me… a bit antsy. Ok… it scares the hell out of me but, I am here, doing it anyway. Kicking arse, taking names and taking the piss out of myself at the same time. I wasn’t sure if I was going to finish my masters because of my fears/insecurity. I’d be lying if I said I was hella cocky about this. I’m not, yet I am going to finish this master’s degree. I will finish this.
I am saying this because there have been times where, I haven’t finished or followed through. It’s not been often, but when it has happened, I end up regretting it which then goes back to the top two subjects.
If you can relate to this, this not finishing things because of fear, take a deep breath and think for a moment. What is it that needs to be done? Do you have any reason (you or another person) to finish it. If so… dig in and do it. Push on. We can all push on together.
My goals for this year are simple. I will follow through and finish. Get my arse overseas, train hard and just be. My goals beyond that… finish this degree and be the best damn photographer I can be. Do some music, travel and be.
Not sure what else to say… I know I just need forgiveness and finality so I can finish things. Push foward, always forward. Forgive, love and be.
Peace, Love and Cooking Grease Y’all! Drop a note and say hey!
